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Dorothy Parker (2) vs. Bruce Springsteen (1); the Japanese dude who won the hot dog eating contest advances

Dalton made an impressive argument, too complicated to summarize, in favor of Jim Thorpe, “the destroyer of hot dog vendors,” but this was countered by Thomas’s logic:

Since Jim Thorpe is top dog in whatever he tries his hand at, his demise is now inevitable.

And ultimately I had to go with Albert, who made the straight-up case for Kobayashi:

Why does everyone think Jim Thorpe could eat more hot dogs? The Japanese guy doubled the previous record on his first try! There’s just no way an untrained person is getting up off the couch and out-eating the Japanese dude who won the hot dog eating contest.

Here’s him going up against a soccer player.

Also, consider that competitive eating is a more interesting sport than baseball, and requires more of both physical training and general athleticism.

Today it’s the legendary wit versus the New Bob Dylan. Manhattan vs. Jersey. Your arguments, my call.

Again, we’re trying to pick the best seminar speaker. Here are the rules and here’s the bracket:


  1. Dalton says:

    Ah, but Dorothy Parker is actually from New Jersey. In fact, both Bruce and Dorothy are members of the official New Jersey hall of fame ( Both were born in Long Branch, NJ. But Bruce is backed up (literally) by another member of New Jersey hall of fame: the E Street Band, so advantage Bruce.

    Granted, New Jersey is the armpit of America. But some people would rather rule in hell than serve in heaven, and if we have to pick the person to rule the Parkway, it’s gotta be the Boss.

    (Jim Thorpe should’ve won. Robbed by the refs. This is why we need instant replay review.)

  2. Jonathan (another one) says:

    “Glory days well they’ll pass you by
    Glory days in the wink of a young girl’s eye
    Glory days, glory days”

    In our age which has elevated the significance celebrity well past its sell date, it’s long past time that Mr. Springsteen realizes, like the protagonist of this song, that his greatness lies in the past. At least he anticipated that he would lose his fast ball and retreat, hoping “when I get old I don’t sit around thinking about it But I probably will.” He doesn’t want to do the seminar.

    So take Dorothy.

  3. digithead says:

    I’ve always thought Springsteen eloquently summarized racism with his line from “Johnny 99” that no one else could top it: “Down in the part of town when you hit a red light you don’t stop.”

  4. Tom says:

    OK – there’s the seminar, that’s one thing. But then there’s the after-party and if you make that karaoke and invite Springsteen it could be legendary.

  5. Dzhaughn says:

    Andrew, Andrew, never be
    doubting impact of a p-
    value less than 5 percent!
    Strive to be a docile gent.
    Do not question windy claims
    ’bout the April himmicanes.
    Posture that one surely knows
    the value of a power pose.
    Each noise to each do compare;
    You will get your tenured chair.

    Andrew, do not be a bore!
    According to our file drawers
    Everything will replicate!
    Never mention pizza-gate.
    Say that only rank jack-asses
    Doubt anything P.N.A.S. says,
    Lest we dub your criticism
    “method’log’cal terrorism.”

    But if that’s what you call “Working Science”
    You’ll be replaced by an appliance!


  6. CJ says:

    I admit that I haven’t read all the threads related to this, so I might have missed something… but it looks like Veronica Geng appears twice. Geng was defeated by Bruce Springsteen in the first round (on the left) – but is also advancing after defeating GHW Bush and Nora Ephron (on the right). I think maybe the result of the first round throwdown between David Sedaris and Stanislaw Ulam was misreported?

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