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It’s the semifinals! The Japanese dude who won the hot dog eating contest vs. Bruce Springsteen (1)

For our first semifinal match, we have an unseeded creative eater, up against the top-seeded person from New Jersey.

It’s Coney Island vs. Asbury Park: the battle of the low-rent beaches.

Again, we’re trying to pick the best seminar speaker. Here are the rules and here’s the bracket:


  1. J Storrs Hall says:

    Aha! we’ve come down to a Roomba versus a goomba. After Springsteen rides his suicide machine, they’ll have to put him in a tomb-ah, where the dude would simply continue sucking up crumb-ahs. Either way he wins.
    And besides, do you want a speaker whose initials are BS?

  2. D Kane says:

    Can we re-up comments from prior rounds? If so:


    If I have to listen to someone’s voice for an hour, it’s got to be Bruce.


    The screen door slams, Andrew’s blog waves
    Like a vision he dances across the Stan as Rstudio plays
    Susan Fiske singing for the noisy
    Hey, that’s me and I want you cozy
    Don’t turn me home again, I just can’t face myself alone again

    Don’t run back inside, Andrew, you know just what I’m here for
    So you’re scared and you’re thinking that maybe your work won’t replicate
    Show a little faith, be Bayesian tonight
    Your prior ain’t proper but, hey, you’re alright
    Oh, and that’s alright with me

  3. Ethan Bolker says:

    The rules say

    I’m not asking for the most popular speaker, or the most relevant, or the best speaker, or the deepest, or even the coolest, but rather some combination of the above.

    Springsteen gets some points in every category for a positive score. The other guy is zero on all the scales except possibly cool, but that’s cancelled by the heat in his dogs. Springsteen advances to the final.

  4. Manuel says:

    Is there anyone reading this entry that can explain the physics of giving an audible seminar talk with dozens of hot dogs stacked on the digestive tract? This should be the key factor in this contest, because the hot dog-less version of the dude has no chance of advancing against The Boss.

  5. Noah Motion says:

    Hot-dog-garbled speech from Kobayashi recounting disgusting stories about ingesting absurdly large numbers of unchewed sausages and wet buns vs the gravelly, dulcet tones of New Jersey’s answer to John Mellencamp telling touching, timeless tales of musical world tours? The Boss in a landslide.

  6. J Storrs Hall says:

    Oh, and one other thing. There has never been, and will never be, a Springsteen Maru Starfleet exam problem.

  7. Dzhaughn says:

    On 3/17, we gotta go with the Irish fixed form for both semi-finals, right?

    Since his behavior is generally lawful,
    And although his diction’s still awful,
    We’ll miss Gray’s Papaya
    And the mobile O. Mayer
    But at least Bruce won’t speak with his mouth full.

  8. Jan says:

    There are two major events ahead of us: the seminar itself, of course, but we have all been to too many seminars already. The more exciting event is gonna be the finals, so we must make our selection with that in mind. Let’s see:

    Sattouf vs. Springsteen: boring, the f guy’s gonna eat the Boss for breakfast, and then order some hot dogs, cause he will still be hungry.

    Pele vs. Springsteen: I just don’t see the appele.

    Sattouf vs. the dude: even if Sattouf does eat the dude for breakfast, that would mean he would be eating all the hot dogs as well, pulling Jim Thorpe on the dude. But then, the dude has already beaten Jim Thorpe once. May be interesting.

    Pele vs. the dude: apparently the dude has already beaten a soccer player, but Pele is not a soccer player, he is The soccer player. It could take a turn either way!

    Give me the odds on the dude vs Pele finals, with the dude winning! Or better yet, with Veronica Geng winning!

  9. Jeff says:

    I’ve enjoyed the effect of the Kobayashi’s long non-name on the left side of the bracket illo, but he seems due for a reversal of fortune. His main appeal here is the surprising fact of his victories, not the quality of the seminar he’d likely deliver.

    As Dzhaughn notes, it’s St. Patrick’s Day, so:

    Kobayashi’s success on this blog
    Is a story news outlets could flog
    When pressed for a headline
    And faced with a deadline
    They’ll always select man-bites-dog

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