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Steve Martin (4) vs. Dorothy Parker (2); the Japanese dude who won the hot dog eating contest advances

The culinary athlete wins this round courtesy of this sonnet from Jeff:

Does not the dude of Japanese descent
Who won the eating contest have a name?
He does, of course, but thanks to that event
We ponder on the stuff of Nathan’s fame.

What kind of man, in glint of morning, thinks
“This day is for the dogs!” and furthermore
To Coney Island fares to hit the links
And fray with those who’d log a ‘furter more?

A hellish course, presuming to be first,
To hurry, facing brightest light of sun,
But with no relish, he assumes the wurst:
Extruded slurry! Casing! Nitrite! Bun!

To hear his name, just call him on the phone,
But all the same, he’s filled with parts unknown.

Wow. Blog comments are just getting more and more impressive, even as blogging itself becomes less and less popular.

And today it’s the fourth-seeded magician vs. the second-seeded wit. Either would draw a crowd, I’m sure. What do you think?

Again, here are the rules and here’s the bracket:


  1. Jonathan (another one) says:

    Banjos are plinky
    King Tut’s a farce
    “Amigos” was stinky
    Navin’s an arse.
    Arrows aren’t killing
    I like something darker
    Like Lionel Trilling
    I’ll go with Parker.

  2. Noah Motion says:

    There once was a Martin named Steven
    whose humor we used to believe in.
    His outlook got starker.
    He’s no Dorothy Parker.
    In this matchup, then, Steven be leavin’.

  3. Dzhaughn says:

    I had to postpone translation of her epic to get lunch at Costco after that! As brevity is the soul of wit”

    “Tut tut! We seldom make pharaohs of men who wear arrows.”

  4. Jan says:

    So Brooks survived all the limericks in round one only to be killed by a sonnet in round 2. Too bad, I was looking forward to finding out why Albert T. Brooks is buried in Limerick, PA, while Albert Einstein is buries in Princeton, NJ, and Jim Thorpe is buried in Jim Thorpe, PA.

  5. J Storrs Hall says:

    Martin: “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.”
    Parker: “I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
    Martin: “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”
    Parker: “Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
    Martin: “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
    Parker: “… woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.”
    Martin: “We’ve had some fun tonight…considering we’re all gonna die someday.”
    Parker: “This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”
    Martin: “I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.”
    Parker: “And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.”
    Martin: “She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn’t be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.”
    Parker: “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”
    Martin: “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
    Parker: “Excuse my dust.”

  6. Bob says:

    This choice is a no brainer. If Parker is invited to the seminar, she won’t show up and speak. On the other hand, Martin (who, unlike Parker, has the endearing attribute of being alive), has shown up at events at Ivy League schools. See

    Seriously, if Martin makes it all the way through, Professor Gelman should invite him to speak on a topic such as “The influence of mathematicians on my comedy.” In the linked item above, he credits both Descartes and C. L. Dodgson as inspirations. Who knows he might even appear and speak. We know that Parker will not.


  7. Jonathan (another one) says:

    Obviously you didn’t attend the dynamite seminar Hobbes gave last time: despite his death, he was neither nasty, brutish or short.

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